Kamis, 29 Desember 2011

How to Be a Trophy Wife

How to Be a Trophy Wife



When the moniker “trophy wife” comes to mind images of one of Donald Trump’s wives or one of the various “The Real Housewives” are typically conjured up. While becoming a trophy wife is not difficult, it requires attention to detail and a certain level of ambition in order to land and keep your sugar daddy.

Steps

1.Don’t get there first. Trophy wives are usually not the first wife. The first wife tirelessly supports her man, puts him before her and helps him rise to greatness. By the time her husband achieves status and cash, she may not look as hot as she did when the journey began. That’s where the trophy wife swoops in for the kill––looking like a hot little tamale on barometer busting day. Essentially, as the trophy wife, you are his “trophy” and his reward for his rank in life. Some tips and warnings about being a second (or third, or fourth...) wife:

Make sure you're hooking up with an older dude with cash and status... not just some old man who tries to support an extravagant life on a fixed income. Marrying an old guy with no money or status negates the trophy wife status.

Consider your age in comparison to his children. Optimally, you want the kids out of the house, as being stepmom will only cut into the adoration of you (and you definitely don't want him catching you staring daggers at his kids).If the kids are still at home, hire numerous nannies to handle childcare and be very generous about the time they spend back at mom's place.

Check out his ex-wife payouts. Compare his salary to his alimony and possible child support checks. Confirm that there will be more than enough money to support your intended lavish lifestyle.

2.Give yourself a foreign name. Some of the most successful trophy wives have a name that either no one has heard of or is something extremely exotic. Typically names that blend a lot of vowels and consonants together work well or at least sound Russian. Also, a one-word name is especially alluring and mysterious like “Madonna” or “Keisha.”

Consider names carefully. You want mystery and intrigue, not anything suggestive of a stripper. Avoid names like “Bambi” or “Candi” or the various inanimate object type names.Be sure you can pronounce the name. Don’t give yourself a name you can’t pronounce or one where you find yourself constantly changing its pronunciation.

3.Change your age. Rich old guys do not want a woman who is their age or (gasp) anyone over 35 years old. Trophy wives are young or at least look young. So if you aren’t under the age of 35, you’ll have to manually change your age––either on paper or via your looks, or perhaps both.

Don’t alter your driver’s license (because that’s illegal) but instead make a fake photo I.D. you can flash if he asks for confirmation.Convince yourself that you are a certain age. Update your Facebook page to reflect your new birth date, tell people that you are only (insert age) and shop in the “juniors” section for apparel.

4.Have plastic surgery. While going to the gym and eating healthy may get you the body you need, you don’t have time to count calories and do cardio––you need to look hot immediately. The only way you can achieve the pinnacle of perfection is to visit an extremely expensive plastic surgeon and explore a vast menu of options. Body areas to consider include:

*Boobs. Obviously. No self respecting trophy wife sports a pair of saggy double A’s. You need a rack that communicates, “I’m a hot mama, but no, I wasn’t a stripper.” Yes, boobs can do all that. Go big but not to the point where your chest gets all the attention. The point is for you to get the attention.

*Botox.Women as early as 25 can benefit from botox, especially around the lip area if you don’t currently own the Angelina Jolie pout.Also, some early botox may prevent those embarrassing wrinkles from making an appearance before the age of 70. Your botox routine should coincide with other regular maintenance such as waxing, manicures and haircuts.

*Lipo. No high-powered man wants a woman with cottage cheese oozing from her thighs. Sure, you could try to work out but instead, make a quick trip to the surgeon’s office and have that goo sucked right out.

*Butt.Butt implants are subjective and should only be considered if you know for a fact your man is a “butt” man. If you must go bigger, be sure the surgeon hikes the junk in your truck up higher so your backside doesn’t end up down by your knees as you age.

5.Know the Kardashians. Many classic trophy wives know and are friends with celebrities or reality celebrities. Somehow the Kardashians have become the current “gold standard” in the trophy wife world––they have all the connections to the best parties and events. So if you can cuddle up to Kris or even Kim you’ll have a leg up on the other wives.If you're not in the USA, find some other celebrities to team up with.

6.Get yourself a very good lawyer. Many successful older men, who have been down the marriage road before, will be ready with a pre-nup for you. In the “unlikely” event the marriage does not work out, you want to walk away with a decent return on your investment (ROI). A good divorce lawyer will know what to look for in a pre-nup that will be slanted in your favor and be ready to go up against your betrothed’s attorney.

7.Always be courteous. Being married does not mean you can be less nice than during dating. On the contrary, it is actually more important, because you are in a committed relationship.

8.Don’t act like a bubblehead. Although you're essentially considered to be a “prize,” a trophy wife has a brain in her head. Indeed, the whole point behind making a calculated match in a society that bleats out romantic love at every turning point shows you're already well aware of the often unspoken shortcomings behind basing a lifelong commitment on romance alone and have instead made a choice to be with a man because you're both getting something fulfilling from the relationship. You don’t have to discuss unrest in the Middle East, but don’t act like you don’t know what the stock market is either. Many a man with a trophy wife is as proud of her IQ as much as her appearance; indeed, this balance is a bonus, not a drawback.

Expect anyone who figures out that you calculated your way into the marriage to be provocative. Stare them down and ask what business is it of theirs to seek to be your moral compass. Or ask them what makes them the arbiter of relational happiness.

9.Dress the part. A trophy wife is always in style. Usually, most trophy wives wear dresses that flash a little something. Whether it's a short dress or your boobs are going over the dress. If you have a dress that's not flashing anything, then add a tight belt to the equation. Tight belts are like woven boob lifts. The hair matters as much as the outfit. Simple and straight is the way to go. The Kardashians all have hair that swoops around like silk, which adds to their trophy wife appearance. Shoes are almost the most important part of your look.

And high heels are the way to go. Wear some strap-on's or peep toes. They show some skin, which is what you're trying to do, and they're not so hard and clunky. Go for more solid colors that clash with your outfit than sparkles or rhinestones. Don't make it all about the shoes. Jewelry is the most important part that brings together your trophy wife appearance. This is where the rhinestones and sparkles belong.

Choose something expensive and real. A trophy wife never wears something fake. It just downsizes your husband's thought of you. He might be thinking, "My wife doesn't have enough money to buy herself some real diamonds?" So look in the glass boxes. That's where most of the real gems are. Wear a variety of jewels too. Don't wear diamonds to every party, meeting, get-together, and picnic! When shopping, get a little bit of this and that. For example, get a rhinestone bracelet, diamond necklace, amethyst ring, and pearl earrings. Then as you keep shopping, buy the whole collection. It'll save you a lot of looks and money.

Tips

1.Don't cry if he is being mean. Just give him some space. You get more control that way––and more respect, making you even more of a "trophy."

2.Be extremely accepting of his family, right or wrong. In some cases, even defend them!
3.Always keep your humor. Have the ability to laugh at him and at at yourself, all that you please.

4.Give your man plenty of attention––don’t always be shopping, texting, updating Facebook, sitting in the hairdresser's or traveling. Schedule daily opportunities to be with your husband such as dinner, parties, date nights and trips.

Warnings

3.Do not overextend yourself. Becoming what you are not just to catch yourself a wealthy man is like catching sand through a sieve. It might work temporarily but eventually it all just falls away. Stay true to your own values and sense of fulfillment.

2.Never spend more money than he has––doing so will only put both of you in the poorhouse and dethrone you from trophy wife status. Be as enamored of saving as he is, just more savvy about how to liberate some more of it for spending.

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